Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Robin Who?

Once again, we come to you live-ish from Facebook to tell you a tale of rank insanity. On a side note, every time I think about taking a longer break from Facebook, I realize I'd run short on stuff to write about. Yes, Facebook, you're that bad.

Today, kiddies, we're going to talk about fear-mongering. A few years back, some twit began circulating a little gem that essentially called for Anglophone/American Isolationism. A couple years after it started making the rounds, someone replaced the last paragraph with a quote from Robin Williams, which caused the whole piece to be attributed to Williams.

If It's a couple years old, why are we talking about it? Because I keep seeing it on Facebook. Damn you, Facebook. And while I would hope most people would see this as a joke, I have the disturbing concern that many do not.

For your edification, the "Robin Williams Plan:"

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan":

1) 'The US, UK , CANADA and AUSTRALIA will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting withGermany , South Korea , the Middle East, and the Philippines . They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are from. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't att end classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home baby.

6) The US, UK , CANADA and AUSTRALIA will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere..' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army.. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE. Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

‘The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?''




Welp. That's...adorable. Before we even dig into this, note that the only part of this I completely like is the Statue of Liberty bit at the end, which is the quote that got Williams' name tacked onto this nasty little turd.

1) 'The US, UK , CANADA and AUSTRALIA will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again.

This is pure pettiness. Everything up there? We were asked to the party.

"But Operation Iraqi Freedom!" says Strawman Schmoe.

Nope. I.F. was was a 'merican operation, that consisted of mistakenly bombing the daylights out of a country under false pretenses, then deciding we were just going to go ahead and take out the country's leader because we were in the neighborhood. Every time some guy in another country thinks of the stupid Americans and how they should stop going in with their "cowboy diplomacy?"

Five'll get you ten that nowadays, they're thinking of I.F. and Operation Enduring Freedom. What? Oh, E.F. was the one where we were attacked by terrorists, and declared war on a sovereign nation in response when they wouldn't hand us the terrorists. Because that's how justice works, right? I mean, wouldn't we bomb Canada if they misplaced terrorists or decided not to extradite them for some reason?

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting withGermany , South Korea , the Middle East, and the Philippines . They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

There's two parts to this. The first half is the withdrawal of troops world wide. On the one hand, I'm sure there's plenty of ardent supporters of many nationalities that would like to see the back of all American troops. Arguments have been made, good ones, that maintaining a large military presence in Europe is somewhat silly.

On the other hand, we sort of need them to stay put if we want to maintain diplomatic outposts pretty much anywhere nowadays.

But even still. Anyone got any idea how many troops we have, versus how many are deployed?

Try 3,396,825 total personnel. Of which, 3,203,084 are stationed in the US and its territories. That means we have a total of 193,741 personnel active and deployed. Oh, and those numbers do not count the National Guard or the soldiers deployed for I.F., E.F., or New Dawn (Iraqi clean up contingent.)

Which leads into the second question. What the hell kind of difference would an extra 193.7k soldiers do patrolling the US border? For clarification, the total US continental borders amount to just under 7500 miles.

That's 1,356 times longer than Mt. Freaking Everest is tall. Oh, we're only gonna seal the Mexican border? Still 1,933.4 miles of border, land and water. Which, to continue the model, is as long as 351 Mt. Everest's are tall.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are from. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't att end classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home baby.

I've lumped these together because they're the same point, essentially. The idea being to get them dern fererners to stop taking our jobs, and generally making our lives bad somehow. From the top:

There's estimated to be 11.1 million illegal immigrants living in the United States. For reference, the Katrina Hurricane displaced between 400,000 and 1.5 million people. We could barely move, house, and feed them. How in the name of all that's holy are we going to keep track of and ship out several times that number?

No fererners stay longer than three months without a special permit. So what if they want to become citizens? Oh, wait, that takes 5 years. So, essentially, no more immigration allowed in a nation made entirely of immigrants. No more outside ideas. No new blood.

No asylum? No Wernher Von Braun. No getting our hands on the geniuses, the luminaries, or the families that will give rise to them. In short, the beginning of an acceleration to America's intellectual collapse.

No foreign students over 21? So we'll force any student that wants to complete a bachelor's degree in the US to get here at 17, excel into the 99th percentile just to stay, and then ship them out?

You know, attract and train the kinds of minds capable of completing high school 1-2 years early, maintaining a 3.0 or better GPA, completing a Bachelors in the fastest track possible...and then throw them out because we don't want fererners?

Gee, that doesn't seem like a plan to wipe out any intellectual edge America might have. That doesn't seem like our college system would become thoroughly stagnant and collapse under its own weight as those brilliant minds are forced to go teach and practice elsewhere. Nope.

6) The US, UK , CANADA and AUSTRALIA will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

Here we see a great point and a rotten point. We absolutely should be self-sufficient. Absolutely!

Now, where else are we going to go for oil? Hmm? Oh, that's right. We already do. It just happens that, even with the US being in the top 3 total oil producers in the world, it's still not enough to keep us running.

We'd need ours and all of Russia's to get through every day, which would cause prices to soar as we became dependent on two sources. They won't have to take our offer, cause they don't use the damn stuff nearly as much as we do. They just have to wait a couple of days for our everything to grind to a halt. And then we'll take whatever price they feel like calling for. 

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere..' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army.. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

Yep. That's the way to win allies, friends...refusing to render assistance out of spite, or in some weird show of pessimism disguised as pragmatism. That will absolutely insure that no-one calls in the massive debts we owe them. What, you thought charitable giving was because we're being nice? How about because we owe a lot of people a lot of money, and would like for them not to bankrupt us?

And even at that, are we, one of the richest nations in existence, so poor that we cant't spare the time and aid to people dying of hunger, dying of disaster?

Sure, we need to get on the ball and tackle hunger and poverty in the US, but why not throw a lifeline to those that need it. Even if we give no fucks, think of this: you never know, they might have nukes someday.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

Uh-huh. Let's voluntarily surrender one of our few remaining claims to being a world leader, much less a superpower. Sure, they talk a lot, and get not much done. But the same can be said of Congress, and at least forcing Congress to work on a small island devoid of amenities would show some positive results on the way our nation is run.

Oooooh, I'm going to have to revisit that scenario....

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE. Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

Or we could, I don't know, revamp the school system we have? Put some real money and policy behind a preventative health plan? Regulate corn syrup use? Shut up and acknowledge that without an oversight board the English language evolves?

Oh, wait, we're trying to get immigrants to learn the English language? Why should they, they're only here for three months, and even then, they're unable to live here permanently.

Hmmm...ah, you must mean the people already living here. You know, the Native Americans with the dozens of languages we've stomped out, or the various Spanish speakers that make up 12% of the population? Or any one of several other languages commonly spoken in America? Right, of course.

How were you planning to communicate with other countries again? Because I don't see English holding on long as the language of international exchange when one of the largest exporters of the language effectively seals all borders to immigration, homogenizes language, alienates 3/4 of the world, takes a nosedive into intellectual stagnation, collapses their own economy trying to strong arm the energy reserves of the world into bankrupting themselves to feed our greed, and becomes a third world cesspit.

But hey: if you don't mind living in a dystopian hell, that's definitely a winner of a plan.

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